Uncovered

 Yesterday I was thinking and praying about the fearful insecure girl I used to be and the confident, faith-filled woman I am today. Many negative things happened in my life that caused me to be so fearful - choices I made and choices others made for me. 

Abuse, abortion, abandonment, addiction, betrayal, divorce, death, rape, rejection - God saved me from others and from myself. I feared because I expected punishment for the things I had done and for the things done to me. The shame and guilt held me prisoner as I tried to keep it all hidden, to cover it up. 

Almost two years ago I made the decision to stop coloring my hair. I decided I didn't want to hide anymore. I know it seems strange that "going gray" would be connected to freedom from my past but it was! 

It's the reason I share my journey - not for the attention but to help set other women free. I was hiding from the opinion of others, covering my "secrets" to avoid judgment. 

I thought - if others knew the real me, what I've done, who I truly am, they'll be repulsed. I think that's typical for woman who have suffered from abuse, especially sexual abuse. The thought is always - there must be something wrong with me. 

So many ugly parts of my life were tied to my appearance and I was constantly striving to better - actually, to be someone else. I tried covering the "ugly" like I covered my gray but just like that silver line that would begin to appear just days after a fresh color, my past would show up just when I thought I had hidden it so well. 

As I began to share my story through writing and speaking God brought more and more healing and revealed His perfect love for me. Jesus not only took my punishment but He covered my sin and shame. He made me clean. He rescued me, redeemed me, restored me. His truth is what finally set me free. Free to finally be who He called me to be and to do what He called me to do. 

There's a book I've read four times, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, and each time I read it I feel as though another layer is uncovered. I don't want to spoil the story but I will say this - there is NOTHING that we can keep hidden from God and there is NOTHING that can separate us from His love. Nothing we've done. Nothing anyone has done to us. Nothing. Jesus was enough. 

Friends whatever you're trying to cover up, to keep hidden, it's holding you prisoner. 

Jesus wants to set you free. 

Will you let Him?